by Lucas Clinger
WASHINGTON, DC - Canine News Network (CNN) has reported shocking news from the White House. The first dogs, Champ and Major, have been accused of listening in on secret Oval Office briefings and relaying that information to Russian Terriers. The Furry Bureau of Investigation (FBI) uncovered several cryptic messages on the German Shepherds' Pawler accounts, in which sensitive information was exchanged for dog treats and diamond studded dog collars.
President Biden has denied the allegations, even though he personally set up several “playdates” with international canines in hopes of establishing diplomatic relations. Biden claims that he never really knew what his pooches were up to. Former President Donald Trump commented on the situation, “Now you see why I don’t have a dog. I love dogs, I just don’t trust them.” When questioned about the situation, the only comment President Biden had to say was, “Come on man, dogs will be dogs.”