Hi, I’m your cat. The one who shits in a box in your hallway. I know it may come as a surprise that I’m typing out words right now but I really needed to clear up some misinformation I’ve been hearing you spread about my sleeping habits.
Your friend was over the other night and I heard you tell them “You should totally get a cat, they’re so easy to take care of. They need to sleep like, 14 hours a day.”
I do sleep 14 hours a day, Allison, but it’s not because I NEED to. It’s because you’re boring.
Seriously. How many hours of Love Island can you watch? I’m not trying to sound ungrateful. You feed me, you’ve given me a place to live, lots of toys. But every time I open my eyes you’re watching TV or have your phone camera pointed in my face. You must have enough photos of me by now. Maybe take a photography class? Take some photos I don’t know, outside?
I might also stay awake for more hours if you had more interesting people over. But it’s usually just the same two friends and that one guy who says he “usually doesn’t like cats but this one seems cool”. Like I haven’t heard that one before. Find another adjective. You’re not inviting him over at 1 am because he’s smart, though.
If you don’t want to change your boring habits I’m fine to keep sleeping most of the day. But please, don’t tell people I NEED to sleep as much as I do. It’s a harmful stereotype to put on me and the whole feline community. And if not for me, at least for yourself, get a hobby.