By Danny Neary
My name is Bob Whiteman and I'm the proud owner of a a boat dealership just outside the villages in Florida and I want this country to reopen! If you don't agree with me while you're probably a commie, anti American, who doesn't even know how to grill. But if you're a good American who just isn't sold yet let me explain to you why we should all be protesting for my right to send my employees back to work and go back to normal.
1. Some people in America are going to die, people die it happens all the time. But it's probably not going to be the ones who own their own boat dealership and gave $3000 to Jerry Falwell last year.
2. Beers, boats, babes.
3. There's too many people in America anyways and if they don't understand why my right to eat at a Fudruckers' is the only thing that matters in America they should be arrested for terrorism.
4. Staying home is making it clear that I can't make any money without workers and I don't want them catching on to how little I actually do. Our founding fathers wrote this beautiful constitution to protect my right to underpay and overwork my employees.
5. Lobsterfest is almost over and daddy needs cheddar bay biscuits in his tum tum.