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Which Vaccine Is Best For Your Sign?

By Sean Delaney



We all know that the best vaccines kick the shit out of a virus’ pathogen, but not all vaccines are created equal. Which one is most like the life of the party and which one wows in the bedroom? Don’t just inject anything into your body…you need to know which one is most compatible with your inner polarity!

Moderna

The first to reach phase 1 trials in July, this vaccine was produced in record time and because of this, many are concerned with the long-term effects since we just don’t know what they are yet. This vaccine fits for a recklessly optimistic attitude like Sagittarius!

Oxford-AstraZeneca

This vial vector contains a synthetic version of part of COVID-19’s genetic code. Which makes it perfect for your more synthetic friends like those pesky Geminis. You know Gemini’s always have the tea, and will stab you in the back, I didn’t forget Cheryl!, so this vaccine is perfect for them.

Janssen or CanSino

Both vaccines are similar in that they contain synthetic RNA and are towards the back of the pack in the race for the vaccine. They aren’t asking you to settle, but are asking for a fair-minded, non-judgmental soul to take this vaccine. So yes, we mean you, Libra.

Gamaleya Research Institute

This vaccine contains a weakened version of the COVID virus, and somehow makes something beautiful from it. Is there anything MORE Pisces than that?! Find you a compatible water sign like a Scorpio and get them vaccinated too. You’ll grow a long, healthy relationship and herd immunity.

Bharat Biotech

The Bharat Biotech vaccine is composed of a COVID-19 virus that has been inactivated. Due to their highly emotional tendencies, Cancers can often find themselves *ahem* inactive. (If you catch my drift…) Just find someone equally as tender and affectionate as you, like a Taurus, and the “inactivity” will work itself out ;)

Novavax

Still in the early stages of development, the Novavax vaccine uses pieces of the Covid-19 virus – sometimes fragments of the ‘spike’ protein. Patiently putting fragments together and making something beautiful; this vaccine was made almost exclusively for you, Leos. It could also be a good fit for a patient sign unafraid of hard work like Virgos.

The Anti-Vaxxers

Aquarius and Capricorns are independent and uncompromising, so it’s a surprise to literally no one that they refuse widely accepted scientific evidence. They think this has all been a big hoax, and just a way for the government to microchip us to take over our minds, which is a little problematic. Sigh. Oh well, guess that’s what they get for being born with Jupiter rising. OVID-19 vaccine you should receive – based on your horoscope.

We all know that the best vaccines kick the shit out of a virus’ pathogen, but not all vaccines are created equal. Which one is most like the life of the party and which one wows in the bedroom? Don’t just inject anything into your body…you need to know which one is most compatible with your inner polarity!

Moderna

The first to reach phase 1 trials in July, this vaccine was produced in record time and because of this, many are concerned with the long-term effects since we just don’t know what they are yet. This vaccine fits for a recklessly optimistic attitude like Sagittarius!

Oxford-AstraZeneca

This vial vector contains a synthetic version of part of COVID-19’s genetic code. Which makes it perfect for your more synthetic friends like those pesky Geminis. You know Gemini’s always have the tea, and will stab you in the back, I didn’t forget Cheryl!, so this vaccine is perfect for them.

Janssen or CanSino

Both vaccines are similar in that they contain synthetic RNA and are towards the back of the pack in the race for the vaccine. They aren’t asking you to settle, but are asking for a fair-minded, non-judgmental soul to take this vaccine. So yes, we mean you, Libra.

Gamaleya Research Institute

This vaccine contains a weakened version of the COVID virus, and somehow makes something beautiful from it. Is there anything MORE Pisces than that?! Find you a compatible water sign like a Scorpio and get them vaccinated too. You’ll grow a long, healthy relationship and herd immunity.

Bharat Biotech

The Bharat Biotech vaccine is composed of a COVID-19 virus that has been inactivated. Due to their highly emotional tendencies, Cancers can often find themselves *ahem* inactive. (If you catch my drift…) Just find someone equally as tender and affectionate as you, like a Taurus, and the “inactivity” will work itself out ;)

Novavax

Still in the early stages of development, the Novavax vaccine uses pieces of the Covid-19 virus – sometimes fragments of the ‘spike’ protein. Patiently putting fragments together and making something beautiful; this vaccine was made almost exclusively for you, Leos. It could also be a good fit for a patient sign unafraid of hard work like Virgos.

The Anti-Vaxxers