By Danny Neary
Hey, welcome to Exxon Mobil! I'm Kathleen, head of social media and I'll be giving you your tour of this fun, hip, progressive office. First things first, we want working at Exxon Mobil to be exciting and enjoyable so we make sure our break room is always fully stocked. We've got chips, kombucha, and cold brew! I consider this room my personal sanctuary and you can often find me in here chowing down on some cheez-its and holding back tears cuz #adulting amirite? Anyways, also in the break room you will find something very important to me, our recycling station. We have 4 different bins all clearly labeled with what kind of trash, recycling, or compost goes where. So be sure to follow the prompts after every meal and snack we all have to do our part to go green. Also, this is a paper straw only facility. Please try to be aware of this, we've had to discipline people before and we don't want to have to go through that again.
Alright, so after you fill up on some delicious snacks you'll want to learn more about what we have going on around the office. Now, this is not just a place of work this is where you will be spending the vast, vast majority of your time so we want to make you feel at home because this will pretty much be your home. Which is why we are always planning exciting, inclusive events. For instance, recently we all came together to pay respect to the inspiring history of the Native American community on Indigenous People's day. We took time out out of our busy schedules and all met in our adorable little community pods and read poems from great Native writers. It was really beautiful and I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. Afterwards we all ate some delicious food we had made from recipes from this great Powwow Chow cook book and got back to work on advocating for more pipelines through North Dakota.
Now, not only am I in charge of our social media marketing but if you haven't noticed, I also do a lot to help shape the culture and progressive-spirited environment that we are building here. Which is why every year during pride month we have a huge party where we play Lady Gaga, drink, and watch episodes of What's Happening With Andy Cohen. It is a fun and really important event that I actually had the pleasure of kicking off with our new head of the fracking department, who is actually himself a former bisexual man. So, it's really not what people try and make us out to seem here our higher-ups couldn't care less about his, yours, or anyone's sexuality, as long as they don't make a big scene about it.
Some women here recently pointed out that almost every member of our leadership team was a straight white man and almost all of their secretaries were women. So, the men realized this was wrong and decided to let their secretaries go. Instead of paying their salaries they are now putting that money towards programs that help women get involved in tech! This has helped us launch an exciting new initiative and partnership with Raytheon and the Girl Scouts that will actually teach young women of color how to design high powered missiles. This is obviously a crucial investment, not only for our overseas interests, but for the way it will help shape and enrich the lives of these young women.Now in addition to what we are doing for the Native American community, the gay community, and to go green, we also put a huge focus on gender equality.
In conclusion, as you can see we are not your parents' oil and gas company. We are a fun, inviting company with a startup environment. We think local, act global, and we are doing what we can to make the world a better place. Now, that concludes your official welcome tour. If you have any questions you will have time to ask them at today's happy hour celebrating our new partnership with the Saudi Royal family!