By Danny Neary
Oh hey Jackie. You're not drinking another latte are you? Whole milk? God that stuff is so bad for you. Anyways, I wanted to meet with you because I am turning myself in to the police for serial murder. You really should switch to oat milk. I said oat milk Jackie! Geez you've never heard of oat milk, it's 2020. Oh the murder thing. No I didn't say I murdered someone, I said I murdered a lot of people, ok. Try to pay attention. Have you not been listening to that meditation podcast I sent you? It really helps you to be more present.
Wow, this is so like you to make a scene. When are you going to work on some self improvement? Oh, you think I'm the one who needs self improvement? Um, yeah, that's why I'm turning myself into the police it's called accountability. Yes Jackie! Acount-a-bil-i-ty!! You should try it some time. And by the way, you would know I'm a serial killer if you ever bothered to check in. You have been an absentee friend and you know it, you're so selfish.
Can we just drop this and order already? Oh you're not hungry anymore? There it is gonna ruin the whole meal over one little thing just like always. Oh of course you'd order the burger. Wow, meat is murder, but sure you have your burger. Oh, now you're going to pout more? That's it, you know what I'm done. I don't need toxic people bringing me down. Have a nice life Jackie.