Punxsutawny Phil seen vacationing in St. Barts while Southern states pay for his shadow

by Bradley Moore

PENNSYLVANIA - The snow’s coming down. I’m watching it fall. Lots of people around. But not that gauche little groundhog. While Texas and other parts of the South deal with massive snowfall and power outages, Phil was seen living it up this week at the Six More Weeks resort in St. Barts, or Saint Barthélemy if you’re nasty. That grimy, fame-loving groundhog was seen partying with other guests, participating in a late-night bikini contest, playing beach volleyball, and sipping on copious amounts of umbrella drinks.

Resort staff consider Punxsy Phil to be a regular. In fact, a photo surfaced last week that contained a February 1, 2021 timestamp, which had the interwebs all astir that Big P, as his close friends call him, may have used a body double to come out of that hole in Pennsylvania on February 2nd. If this is true, Pennsy Phil has a lot to answer for. You can’t just whip out your shadow, drop the bomb of an extended winter, and run off to the Caribbean to escape the consequences. Where’s the sense of responsibility? Where’s the accountability? Thanks Phil. We hope you’re having snow much fun.