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NFL Cares - Sponsored by Arby's

By Danny Neary


Hello, I'm Ben Epstein head of public relations for the NFL. While sports are on hiatus we wanted to take some time to clear the air. Yes, the NFL is struggling right now, we might not be able to play by the start of next season, Tom Brady is pretending to live in some mythical place called Tampa, we were just sued by Kaepernick, and we're losing viewers faster than our players lose brain cells. It's not been easy for us either though. Our owners have really been struggling to make back all the money they forced taxpayers to invest in their now empty stadiums, so don't think we're not in pain too.


With that being said, the Fox football robot that pretends to be Roger Goddell told me I would be fired if I didn't spend our break addressing the ways in which the NFL's perception has fallen off thanks to our clumsy handling of social issues. Now for the last few seasons we've been criticized for a lack of empathy, or some have claimed that we only care when these issues impact our ratings. But that could not be further from the truth, we also care when it affects merchandise revenue. As you may know we have received quite a bit of criticism for forcing players to stand for the National Anthem. We want you to know that this is not disrespectful to black activists it's just that we respect our anthem and simply dema