Let Trump Play Golf!
By Danny Neary
Golf, the herpes of the sports world. A sport rich white men play when they're bored of cheating on their wives, robbing the middle class and are caught up on Too Hot Too Handle. So naturally, it is the sport that best represents the great men who lead this nation! In this time of crisis Americans are looking for our leaders to show them that everything is still ok for rich white men but until Trump can get back to what he does best, playing golf instead of working, nothing will seem ok.
Trump has visited golf courses 250 times while in office and yes golf is not a quick sport, it's not a game of foosball, which is banned from the White House because Mike Pence thinks men wearing shorts is a cardinal sin. This however is well worth it. People need to know that their prediesnt is having fun even during an economic collapse. It makes us feel good knowing that a man who doesn't care at all about us just shot really well on his favorite course.
Being President is a stressful job, they need something to calm them down. Teddy Roosevelt had his hunting, Truman played the piano, and Nixon threw rocks at little kids. Presidents have hobbies so please just let Trump get back to golfing so that we can all know that even if we're going to die and Trump isn't doing anything about it at least our leader is out there making us look good on the golf course like a real man!