In Defense of Elon "epic dude" Musk

By Danny Neary

Hello, I'm Ben Epstein. The head of public relations for entrepreneur, inventor and proof of how creepy Willy Wonka would be in real life, Elon Musk. The last few years have been hard for my boss, friend and cult leader Elon Musk and I am here to clear the air. Some people have claimed that Elon is not really the genius he claims to be and simply took his inheritance from his racist parents and turned that into more wealth and prestige. Or that he's a con man who somehow convinces people he knows what he's doing, that his companies never actually do what he says they will, and that... I'm sorry, what was I saying? Oh yes, guys those claims are totally not true! Some billionaires can be good. I mean just look at Tony Stark. Sure he's fictional, a former war profiteer, and commits about 30 acts of terrorism in the first Iron Man movie but wouldn't it be cool if he was real? Well, he's not but the next best thing is Elon Musk! The genius who gave you such great inventions as a car with an iPad in it, an unfinished tunnel you drive cars on because subways have gross poor people on them, and a car in space because he's rich and you're an asshole.