How To Use The Coronavirus To Get Out Of Plans With Your Friends
By Danny Neary
The coronavirus outbreak is getting very serious but on the bright side it can now be used as an excuse for why you can't attend many social events and why you have to cancel all your plans with your friends. See below for some examples of how to use this terrifying disease to help you avoid any form of social interaction that might be mildly inconvenient for you!
Of course I'd love to come to your house party with all your fantasy football friends Brad, but all those people in one little room, that just might not be safe right now. What if instead we all stocked up on hand sanitizer and texted each other about Uncut Gems from the safety of our own bedrooms?
Wow Dave, you're having your bachelor party in Vegas and you want us all to spring for first class plane tickets and VIP passes to the Calvin Harris concert! As much as I don't completely hate everything about that idea I'm just not sure flying is such good idea with the coronavirus going around. How about instead we all just hang out at my place, drink PBR and get to bed early so we can keep our immune systems strong.
You want me to come to your wedding? Yikes, a 200 person invitation list to a destination wedding in Seattle? I don't know if my doctor or my Netflix account would approve of me going all the way out there. Best of luck on the marriage, I understand if you don't want to hangout ever again.
Your Dad's funeral? Oh no, I'm so sorry but I know you have a big family and adding another body to a cramped room would probably not be good for your mom's health. I'll be sure to send a card though!
Oh you want to have Christmas at your parent's this year? What? I love your family no, no, that's not the problem, it's just should we rally be planning a trip in the middle of a coronavirus outbreak? Yes, I know that's still 9 months away but who knows the virus might be even stronger by then. I don't want to fly across the country and accidentally give your LOVELY parents the supercoronavirus.