After a strenuous battle between the United States Government and Old Farmer Singh, the latter's nineteen prized hogs have been released from incarceration and moved back onto the White House property - for now. The naughty little piggies were first discovered roaming the White House landscape and helping themselves to the rutabagas in Doug Emhoff’s garden.
Jagvir Singh, 42, recently took up residence in the abandoned Trump International Hotel not far from the presidential residence. He noticed available land not being put to use. Why not take advantage of the green space and turn it into a working, sustainable plot of land? He cites inspiration from the urban agricultural movement in formerly-derelict cities such as Detroit.
“There was a lot of room for my hogs to poop and even space for my trowel,” he told LITerally over email. “As for my right to the land, well, I'm a taxpayer aren't I? Who do you think pays for that residence? What I didn’t account for was Mr. Emhoff’s field of succulent rutabagas baking in the sun. Their scent wafted into the abandoned hotel through the smashed glass doors and tickled my ham boys’ cute little noses.”
Sources close to the Secret Service say they fell asleep after a big meal and are "very sorry to have allowed this to happen." President Biden is said to have declared the hogs "very naughty" and has pledged to no longer tuck his absent-minded agents in at night. "They've lost that privilege."
For his part, Good Mister Emhoff has expressed willingness to extend an olive branch to the porcine perpetrators, so long as they are not conspiring to munch down on his parsnips.
Many Democratic leaders have called for the White House to fill the presidential bowling alley with stale mud and food scraps for the hogs to root around in. But some are calling this a conflict of interest, as Big Junior, one of the 19 hogs, is being floated by Republicans to replace Justice Stephen Breyer on the Supreme Court.
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