Updated: Oct 5, 2020
By Danny Neary
Honey, I know you're struggling right now but I just wanted to call and remind you that the coronavirus is probably your fault. And if your'e feeling guilty about that then good. You should feel immense guilt for causing all this suffering for so many people by not going to church last Easter. But don't worry honey, there are still ways you can repent and save yourself from burning in hell like your Aunt Barb. Coronavirus is very serious but there are ways you can beat it and overcome it such as; calling your mom, praying, watching Father Bill's livestream, or drinking. Irish Catholics like you are special because you were baptized, went to Catholic school, and have never hugged your Dad and you can always apologize to God and be redeemed! Unless you did something truly unforgivable like buy plan B.