Aunt Susan's Facebook Live Update
By Danny Neary
Oh, hello Facebook Live! It's Aunt Susan and I just wanted to give a few updates on how we're handling the recent societal collapse thanks to coronavirus. Oh well, I'm sure they did their best. Anyway I also want to update you on what to expect this year for the holidays! They're getting closer everyday.
First, when you come over, make sure you don't say anything about the smell, your uncle has taken to watching Fox News so intensely, well, he just doesn't have time to shower anymore. Any whoo, we're looking forward to the upcoming class war, should be exciting! I hope you have that blazer I bought you Lauren, that'll look very sharp when you have to declare yourself a weapon of the state or be publicly executed! Your Mom must be so proud.
And this year, since talk of politics is illegal thanks to Emperor Trump, we'll finally all be able to get together and talk about things we all agree on, like how the oatmeal that's all we're allowed to eat has made us all so nice and thin! But your poor Aunt Janice, she's looking so gaunt... I always said women shouldn't protest just because they're now forced to stay inside all day incase a Republican is outside without his wife. Hmmm, such a shame, although, I hear they're treating her very nicely in the internment camps, and she's finally catching up on some reading... Must be nice, she always was so poorly read.
Well, things have been pretty good for me, when they got rid of everyone's healthcare, I couldn't afford my insulin, so I've only got a few weeks, but like I say better to go out with a bang... Uh, well, looks like I'm dying, ha, what a year it's been huh? This will give you all some nice conversation starters for dinner. Any who, enjoy the holidays and be sure to bring back my Tupperware.