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Area Woman Wonders If Mimosa Worth Killing Your Entire Family

By Danny Neary


CHICAGO - Drinking on a patio in River North Chicago surrounded by many, many people, area woman Jamie Miller wondered if this mimosa is worth killing your entire family. "I'm having a really good time, and it was getting lonely in my apartment" said graphic designer Lauren Barnett but I'm still not sure if this mimosa is good enough to justify ending between 4 - 6 lives." Sitting at a table with her 8 closest friends, and 4 friendly aquaintances Lauren wondered whether it was a good idea to sit so close to people who had just been at a rave and if the inevitable deaths this brunch would cause were worth it. Barnett added "I'm not a monster. I don't want anyone to die, it's just like that's gonna happen so I might as well have another round to honor your family, RIP!" At press time Barnett was dead.

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