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Welcome To The Professional Managerial Class!

By Danny Neary


Congratulations on being accepted into the Professional Managerial class. You now get to join your parents, your friend who got into Harvard and all your favorite Rom-Com characters as an official member of this elite group. This presentation will help walk you through your new interests, hobbies and deep seated disdain for anyone to the left of you politically.


First off, what exactly is the PMC? Well, it's more than just a way of designating someone's class or status. The PMC is a culture, it's a lifestyle, it's a feeling. The professional managerial class is a group of people and corporate positions that were created after the days of laissez faire industrialization to help stamp down any growing sense of class consciousness and to keep those pesky workers and radicals in line. This may sound boring and mundane but it is a crucial role that you play in maintaining the status quo and rejecting anything that challenges your way of thinking even a little. Some examples of the PMC in action are, well paid media writers who criticized the hatred of the rich in Joker, the middle aged white women online who use AAVE and say things like "Black Twitter ain't havin' no Bernie", and Disney's corporate merger with Fox being praised as "a win for representation".


Sure, the average person will save money on healthcare with medicare for all but we are not average, we are better than average. And just like we did to pay off our student loans, we worked hard to be able to afford to go to the doctor and just letting everyone else have that perk is more than a little unfair.Political engagement is very important for the PMC and it is our job to be highly engaged in our workplaces, but mostly on Twitter. Our job is to shut people down when they say things like "Billionaires shouldn't exist" or "We Need Medicare For All". These things are bad optics for our bosses and our elite position.

Currently the PMC makes up a large chunk of Mayor Pete's base, which is great, but we'd honestly vote for just about any of the Democratic candidates, other than Bernie. No one in the PMC supports Trump publicly since many of us live in urban areas and are actually really open minded! We'll vote for anyone with a D next to their name, other than Bernie, and will even get on board with Bloomberg when we're told to. The primary purity tests don't matter to you anymore because you're one of us now and that means you're set! Just work hard, keep your head down and pretty soon you’ll have a home, a dog, and a beautiful kitchen table where you can enjoy silent dinners with your wealthy spouse.

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