The French Resistance
By Danny Neary
It is a tumultuous time in our country. King Louis the XVI is ruling over us like a tyrant and embarrassing our country on a global stage. This is why I, as a leader of the resistance believe it is too important of a moment in our history for us to take any drastic measures. Myself and the other prominent members of the resistance including former politicians, scholars, high profile burlesque performers, and celebrity jesters are taking it upon ourselves to warn members of the youth and the ravel that any talk of revolution is premature and dangerous. What we need are moderate reforms and another member of the royal family, perhaps one that is slightly less oafish, to take office and restore our country to it's former glory. As a well established tradesman and good friend to the royal family, I must say that the attacks I have received from the so called "Revolutionaries" have been every bit as cruel, if not more so, than the attacks I have received from the bigoted supporters of King Louis and his MFGA mob. I say this not to condemn the passionate young people calling for radical change to our corrupt system, as I myself recognize the need for some change if France is going to return to glory, but to warn them that guillotines and anger are not the answer. We must challenge King Louis the XVI and his supporters to debates and defend our rights in the court of public opinion. Nothing has ever been accomplished by taking to the streets and demanding radical change, the real way to improve a country is through incremental improvements and waiting for your rulers to die off. I know this isn't what people want to hear but we must be better than our enemies, if we yell and attack our political adversaries and our murderous, maniacal leaders we are just as bad as them. Sure, people are dying in the streets as the nobles throw lavish banquets and eat exorbitant amounts of cake but we must not get carried away. There is still hope that we can meet with them, set aside our differences and find bipartisan solutions like means tested bread vouchers and bloodletting for all who want it.