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Merry Christmas Texts From The Guy You Almost Had Sex With 5 Years Ago

By Danny Neary

Year One - Hey there! Hope you're having a Merry Christmas. Was great connecting the other night. Really regretting not taking you up on that offer to share that Uber with you 😝 Haha but I'm sure we'll see each other again soon.

Year One (12 minutes later) - Or whenever you're back in town! No worries if not, just watching Home Alone and it reminded me of you, ya filthy animal! Haha

Year One (Next Day) - Because we talked about it being the best Christmas movie. Although, I think you said you liked Scrooged too you weirdo. Haha just kidding Bill Murray is the man. Alright, anyways hope you're surviving your family haha. Have fun!

Year Two -  Hey happy holidays!! 🎄🎅 Feel like we haven’t talked in a while, but saw you got into that master’s program. Congrats! Will you be in town before you move out to Denver? Either way would love to catch up. Have fun out there, don’t smoke too much weed haha.

Just kidding it’s legal here now too 🤙 Alright, well enjoy Christmas, be sure to watch Home Alone hahaha

Year Three - Hey Merry Christmas! Went to Corcoran’s last night and it reminded me of you and that weird guy at the bar who got us fireball shots haha. He was like 50, why was he drinking fireball? Haha anyways, Happy Holidays! I’m in Indiana now. I actually moved back there so my social life is over haha. But really it sucks… Would love to meet up sometime though, I’ll probably be back in New York soon! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, why isn't it Merry New Year too? Haha #drunkthoughts.

Year Four - Hey, congrats again on the engagement! Wow, just wanted to say Merry Christmas. Can’t believe we still never reconnected after that night, maybe in another life haha.

Year Four (1 Minute Later) - Hey sorry if that came off the wrong way. You guys seem great together! I’m a few drinks in, fireball 😜 haha just kidding just PBR. But seriously, congrats on everything!

Year Five - Hey, so about last night. I should’ve told you I’m seeing someone now too. That can never happen again. And I’ve never actually seen Home Alone.



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