By Danny Neary
"Spread Joy for things going back to normal for people like me!"
This Christmas give your stupid, unemployed Uncle the gift that keeps on giving. A subscription to The New York Times, or as he may know it, the Failing New York Times. Maybe after he reads this great coverage and can start to make out the connection between Putin and the spiking prices of corn, he'll understand he was duped by a con-man and stop believing all his crazy conspiracy theories! Thank you brave staff at The New York Times Merry Christmas! And a С Рождеством to you Uncle John!
And of course we can't forget to wish a Happy Holiday to Joe Biden! Thank you you wonderful, compassionate man. You're like the new John Wayne, everyone loves you! Biden shook off all the attacks from the Republicans who tried to lie and say he planned to make life better for people by promising to get us back to the normal, idyllic world we lived in before Trump. Biden, like Santa is no socialist, you have to work for what you get and he's gonna be making his list and checking it twice to see who qualifies for up to $5,000 in student debt forgiveness for student loans. Happy Holidays Joe, you've overcome so much. From lying, plagiarizing, passing the crime, bill, supporting the War in Iraq, you've done it all and you've done it in style!
Now in closing I'd like to make some personal thanks. I'm so thankful and give so much joy this holiday season that no one I know, who doesn't work for me, has been laid off or gotten sick from covid. On top of that my favorite cafe is opening up soon again and I'm so thankful I was able to go there in the summer for brunch every weekend. And of course I'm glad we can finally go back to ignoring politics now that things are all going to be ok and there's no need for these protests or all the cantankerous attitudes people have had lately. I don't know about you but I am gonna celebrate! I'm gonna call up an uber, request a silent ride, take my mask off and take and let out a big sigh of relief on my way out for a nice hot cocoa from my favorite #smallbusiness! Together we can overcome anything, happy holidays dear readers and may Santa bring us the gift of all the dumb red states succeeding!